I became a comedian to save this world from its doom… and because of all the horrible acts I’ve seen on TV.
Now, now, I know you all are probably thinking,
“What the hell is this guy talking about? He’s not even that funny! I wouldn’t even call him a comedian”
Well, I’ll tell you what exactly I mean. I’m here to save the future of humanity. You see, kids these days are just damn crazy! They get a thrill from jumping down a flight of stairs on a piece of wood with wheels on it! Talk about crazy! This is what generally happens when the parents aren’t watching.
“Ooooh man, that was so Narley! I just nailed that jump, like totally! Whoooo!”
“Sweet Dude, and your collar bone is only barely visible!”
“I know man! Did ya catch all of it on film? So we can send it to America’s funniest home videos, and we’ll be like totally rich!”
Exactly, kids these days need to find something productive to do. Not just sit around all day watching cartoons, waiting for the ice cream truck to drive down their avenue, and in the meantime gorging on their favorite pastas, candies, and cakes. It’s sickening when I see 5 and 6 year olds that weigh nearly as much as their parents. What they need, is to be put to work, raking the yard, mowing the lawn… whatever happened to those good old sweat shops? Child labor these days is just so very uncommon, too uncommon if you ask me. I mean, it’s okay for 3rd world countries to put their children to work at such a ripe age, to stitch the sofas that we allow our children to hibernate on. It’s okay for them to pack the sugar boxes that we allow our children to eagerly chug down their throats, year after year, pound after pound. We need some good exercise for these kids, and if that means getting them out early in the morning, before the crack of sun rise to pick the grapes, that’ll I’ll be using to make myself a Jamba Juice.
Article name: Comedic Prowess essay, research paper, dissertation