Jumping in to Marriage Too Soon

Essay add: 29-09-2015, 20:16   /   Views: 223
Jumping in to Marriage Too Soon

When people are young and in love, I do not think they fully realize the work that must be done to make a marriage last. It is said “a marriage may be ‘made in heaven,’ but the maintenance must be done on earth”. Couples must constantly be thinking about their mate and that what they do always influences the marriage, in one way or another. I for one, did not really understand what it took to keep a marriage going. Marriages must be cultivated and worked at, just like a garden, to keep them fruitful and lasting.

When I was nineteen, I got married for the first time. I was, or so I thought, totally in love with my new husband of twenty-one. I moved from San Jose, California to Detroit, Michigan, to be with him as he was from there. I had no experience in cooking or cleaning as my mother took care of those things while I was growing up. When I got married it was such a shock to realize how much work went into those things. It was so bad that I did not even know how to boil water. My poor husband also did not fully realize that I had absolutely no experience in the kitchen or in the house. The first time I tried to cook, it was a disaster. I remember I cooked tacos, rice, and beans. Everything was burnt or under-cooked. I did not even know how to mop a floor or clean a bathroom. Those first few months were such an adjustment for us both.

My husband also had some adjustments to deal with. He had been living at home, just as I had, and had been able to spend all of his paycheck on himself. He had no one to answer for but himself. He now had to start paying bills, rent, and car notes. He also had to give me money to buy groceries. The first paycheck he gave me when we were first married was so difficult for him. He now could not buy the types of clothes and shoes that he was used to buying for himself. He had to start thinking of me too. It hurt him so much to hand over his money to me and not get the types of things he wanted and was used to getting.

We also had well-meaning family to contend with. Everyone it seemed had an opinion as to how a marriage should work. Both of our parents were from the era that men went out and worked and women stayed at home. Consequently, that was how we though things should be also. Unfortunately, our bills and his lifestyle prevented us from doing that for long. I finally had to go to work. I found a job working full-time as a secretary and he was already working full-time as a firefighter for the city of Detroit. He was gone twenty-four hours on and twenty-four hours off, twenty-four hours on then three days off. Soon, we so busy working and then coming home and just being tired that we stopped communicating. To me that was the beginning of the end.

We continued our life like that for seven years. In the meantime, we had three children also to deal with. We got into a rut. Go to work, come home, cook for the kids, then go to bed. Once the kids were in school, then after we had dinner, we helped them with their homework. But, we were really not talking and dealing with each other. It was the basic things, dealing with the kids or paying the bills. Once in a while, things seemed to go back to the way they were and we had a good time and seemed to really be in love again. Both of us realized though, that we had never been in love in the first place, that it had been infatuation.

Unfortunately, it seems that’s how it goes for a lot of young couples nowadays. They think they are in love, but it is really infatuation. They do not realize that marriage is work and if they really do not love and understand the other person, they are going to have problems. It is never going to last for the long haul. I know mine didn’t and that is what is so sad. Oftentimes, it is the children who are the ones to suffer when things do not work out. I think that marriage is a job and it must be worked at continually to make it last and be satisfying.

Article name: Jumping in to Marriage Too Soon essay, research paper, dissertation