Men Are From Mars Women From Venus
Once upon a time, Martians and Venusians functioned in separate worlds. But in todays hectic and career-oriented environment, relationships have become a lot more complicated, and men and women are experiencing unprecedented levels of stress. To add to the increasing tension, most men and women are also completely unaware that they are actually hardwired to react differently to the stress. It's a common scenario: a husband returns home from work stressed out and eager to kick back on the couch and watch television.
A wife returns home from work stressed out and wants to talk about it with her husband. What happens? Neither is on the same page, anger and resentment set in, and Mars and Venus collide.Using his signature insight that has helped millions of couples transform their relationships, John Gray once again arms the inhabitants of Mars and Venus with information that will help them live harmoniously ever after.
In Why Mars and Venus Collide, Gray focuses on the ways that men and women misinterpret and mismanage the stress in their daily lives, and how these reactions ultimately affect their relationships. "It's not that he's just not into you; he needs to fulfil a biological need," Gray explains. "And it's not that she wants to henpeck you; she also has a biological drive." He shows, for instance, how a husband's withdrawal is actually a natural way for him to replenish his depleted testosterone levels and restore his well-being, and how a woman's need for conversation and support helps her build her own stress-reducing hormone, oxytocin.Backed up by ground breaking scientific research, Gray offers a clear, easy-to-understand program to bridge the gap between the two planets, providing effective communication strategies that will actually lower stress levels. Whether in a relationship or single, this book will help both men and women understand their new roles in a modern, work-oriented society, and allow them to discover a variety of new and practical ways to create a lifetime of love and harmony.
Introduction
The author has emphasised that life has become more complicated in the last fifty years. There are a number of reasons such as longer working hours, intensified by gruelling commutes and more traffic, increased cost of housing, food and health care, rising credit card debt and combined responsibility of work and child has increased the stress levels in our lives which I taking a toll on our romantic relationships.Author has very beautifully put his point across to all his readers that,The man give his heart and soul to make enough money to provide the family with the entire happiness of this world and return home too tired to even talk with them and Women will give her support to kids and husband and then resent them for no giving back the kind of support she thrives on giving.John Gray has witnessed a new trend in relationships linked to increasing stress. Both men and women believe that they are too busy or too exhausted to resolve their relationship issues and often think that their partners are too demanding or just too different to understand.John Gray says good communication skills can bring men and women together but the increasing stress of our lives is added to the mix, MARS AND VENUS COLLIDE!The purpose of this book is to provide new ways to understand each other and more effective strategies to create a healthy and happy relationship that will actually lower peoples stress levels.
Chapter 1: Why Mars and Venus collide
1st Scenario
The biggest problem at home is that women expect men to react and behave the way women do, while men continue to misunderstand what women really need. Without a correct and positive understanding of these differences most couples gradually begin to feel they are on their own rather than relying on the support they felt at the beginning of the relationship.
2nd Scenario
Another problem at home is that there seems to no down time in our lives to kick back and enjoy the fruits of our hard work. This increases frustration and confusion as people cope up with their day to day stress. The greatest challenge to day is that men and women cope up with stress differently.
While Mars withdraws into his cave to forget the problem of his day, Venus wants to interact and discuss things. When she shares her frustrations, she is simply looking for empathy but he offers solutions.John Gray says that rather than dwell on what you are not getting or what you don't want, you will begin to focus on what you do want and what you can get. This important shift will improve a new foundation for everyone to create a lifetime of love.
A few complaints:-
From Venus
From Mars
He leaves things around the house. I am tired of cleaning up.There is always something I haven't done.He sits in front of TV while I do all the work. I am not his personal maid.She wants everything done right now. Can't she just relax?I can't believe he forgets everything. I can't depend on him for everything that matters to me.I can't believe she remembers all my mistakes and continues to bring them up.I have to juggle so many thing, and he doesn't seem to care or even want to helpWhen I offer to help she always finds something wrong in my suggestions.
Why bother?The only time he helps me is when I ask. Why can't he just pitch in like me?She expects me to be a mind reader and know what she wants.I can't talk about how I feel and what I think we should do with him feeling as if I am controlling him and telling him what to do.She either complains that I work too hard or that we don't have enough money. There is no way I can win.He becomes moody and irritated; I don't know what to do to help. He just shuts me out of his life.I never know when she is going to erupt with a list of complaints.
I feel like I have to walk on egg shells around her.He used to be more affectionate and interested. Now he ignores me unless he wants something.She is always complaining about something. Nothing can make her happy.We never have time for romance anymore. He is either working, watching TV, gone or sleeping.When I am in a mood she is either too tired or overwhelmed with too many things to do.He doesn't even notice how I look anymore.
Is it too much to expect an occasional compliment.She makes such a big deal out of things. Why does she have to get so emotional?The only time he touches me is when he wants sex.I feel like I have to jump through hoops to have sex with her.I spend all day with the kids, and then he comes home and wants to tell me what I do wrong.When I spend time with the kids she corrects what I do. She says she wants a break, but then she keeps telling me what to do.These complaints are just the tip of the iceberg, but they represent a new trend in relationships.The next issue the author picks up is why we are stressed?A very simple reason has been given for this problem.
The shift of roles of men and women. Having a job or career is often no longer a choice for most women but a necessity.
Women want men to become like women.
In a collective fantasy of an ideal relationship, men still want to return home to a happy wife who has prepared dinner and who is responsive of his every sexual desire. Though most women lack the time, energy and inclination to live this fantasy, they have their own unrealistic expectations. When a woman returns from work, they often wish a loving and supportive wife was waiting for them.
Why women need men?
The truth is that women now need men more than ever. They just need men in different ways. Men can provide special support that can assist women in coping with new stress of modern life, but most women don't know how to get this support or to appreciate it properly when it is available.
When she learns to appreciate what a man already offers, a woman holds the key to asking for more small reasonable increments to get the support she needs and deserves. This is not only a formula for success, but it is also what real love is all about.The author says "Real love doesn't demand perfection, but actually embraces imperfection"
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