Successful Relationships Need Communication English Language

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In a 2002 study of new marriages that end in divorce, the United States alone had an astonishingly high rate at 45.8%, seventh highest in the world ("Divorcemag: world divorce statistics," 2010). One thing that each of these relationships could have used, which may have ultimately saved the marriage, is affective/appropriate communication skills. The purpose of this paper is to show the right and wrong way to go about communicating in a relationship, specifically, an intimate one. Throughout the stages of the relationship there will be many changes, thus changing the way communication is delivered.

If couples knew how to effectively communicate with each other then maybe less relationships would end up in divorce court or nasty breakups but rather strengthen the couples bond and an understanding of each other's needs. There are always different ways to communicate in a relationship; one example of this that will be explored in this paper is non-verbal communication.The Right Way to FightFighting is actually healthy for a relationship in order to grow and discover new things about each partner. What is not okay is how the fight is handled. If handled correctly you will see strengthening but if not, there will almost always be an end to the relationship. The solution to a disagreement should not be fighting, but rather simply talking out the argument.

Couples who argue are happier than couples who just keep their feelings bottled up. Negative words are not the only form of poor communication. Things such as rolling your eyes and leaving the room are poor techniques that may have been taught before the relationship started.

Who is to blame for this? A majority of traits inherited by people come from their parents, with poor communication being one of them. When parents fight in front of the kids it can either be a positive or negative learning experience for the child. Having calm, productive, no screaming fight will show the kid the right way, but parents who yell, name call, and tear down their spouse show the kid the wrong way. Also, the competitive nature of Americans has influenced the way arguing may occur.

We seem to think that winning is the only way and if you don't win, you are a loser. So someone who may be competitive may only keep fighting until they are the so called "winner". Money, sex, work, kids, and housework; these are a topics that will always come up when asking random couples what they tend to argue about. The list of argument topics however, is endless (Bernstein, 2010). The sad truth about any relationship, especially a romantic one, is conflict will always be present; it's inevitable (Floyd, 2008).

A person may think that their point of view will not cause a fight, but any type of disagreement with your significant other will almost always evolve into an argument (Bernstein, 2010).You may be thinking that your relationship is doomed now but there is always time to turn it around if each person in that relationship is willing to listen. We all must take the time to learn an effective style on how to argue without actually destroying the person's feelings or even the entire relationship. First and foremost, you must always discuss the topic that is bothering you. If you just set the conflict aside, sooner or later it is going to come back up when the littlest thing makes you angry.

This is where a lot of people go wrong. Let's say your husband continuously forgets to feed the dogs, do the dishes, or maybe put his clothes away, and every time you see this happen, you don't say anything and let it slide. Eventually, you will hit a breaking point and when he does something small, like leaving the toilet lid up, you are not only going to yell about that, but then all the other problems will overflow causing you to yell at him even more. What's worse is that he won't even know that those things were bothering you.There are many methods out there that you can use to try and cope with arguments between you and a loved one. In the end though, it's up to you and your partner as to which works best.

Dr. Howard Markman, a professor of psychology at the University of Denver, has developed a method to help couples settle disputes called the "speaker-listener technique." The couples must call a "couple's meeting" to discuss the issue without looking for a solution, in no more than 15 minutes time. The couple flips a coin to see who goes first, and then the winner explains their position briefly. After that, the other person repeats what the first person says, then expands on their own opinion.

The first person then repeats what person two said. Markman said, "A lot of times, all you need is to be listened to." Couples who now use this technique say that arguments are now less competitive and more cooperative (Bernstein, 2010).There are many myths and old tactics as to what is the best way to help an argument get settled. If you find yourself in an argument, remember there are a few simple strategies to help you productively make it through the argument with your significant other and make the argument a little more tolerable. (See Table 1)Interpersonal Communication in Romantic RelationshipsThe way that a couple communicates is a good indicator of the type of relationship they are going to have. By simply using communication, some can see if the relationship is going to last or not. There are many forms of communication that couples can connect in; however, there are four behaviors that have greater control on a partner's happiness with their relationship.

These are: conflict, privacy, emotional communication, and instrumental communication (Floyd, 2008).Couples in which the woman is more outspoken than the man tend to show lower satisfaction than couples in which the man is more outspoken (Sellers, Woolsey, & Swann Jr., 2007). This could be for a number of reasons but the main one is that men and women are different. This is no different for communication. Men often communicate using their intelligence while women communicate from the heart. Men are raised to be tough and almost emotionless to topics.

For this reason, during a conversation, they want to avoid the drama and just get to the point. On the other hand, women are not afraid to share their emotions and know how to effectively listen, allowing them to be more comforting to talk to (Grey, 2009). There is no doubt that this is a main cause for arguments to arise and explode. However, this is no excuse to why relationships cannot work out.

If the individuals take the time to understand that they both communicate differently, then the differences can be handled.Non-Verbal Communication in RelationshipsIt can be hard to decode what someone is trying to tell you if they are not saying anything, and it may almost be impossible to tell one feeling from the next. However, verbal communication is the less used of the two when comparing verbal and non-verbal. Even though people talk and use verbal communication all day every day, it is the nonverbal communication that is the most important to look out for and the most used form of communication. This is why it is important for people to understand what is trying to be said when nothing is being said at all ("The power of," 2008).

A positive non-verbal communication technique between lovers is a longing look or a seductive like touch. On the other hand, avoidance is a form of nonverbal communication that can tear a relationship apart. This involves creating physical distance between parties, indirectly (nonverbal) or directly (verbal).

This is never a good thing, since it's only one step away from terminating a relationship in Knapp's stages of Interpersonal Relationships (Floyd, 2008). It can be very difficult or confusing for someone to read other individuals nonverbal communication, so never assume you know what is meant and always talk about what you are seeing. It is important to remember that what they are communicating nonverbally is what they want to communicate orally, but may not know how.ConclusionCommunication is important in all forms of relationships such as family, friends, and co-workers, but it is most important in a romantic one. Lack of communication will lead to little trust in the person not communicating, which will lead to an argument.

If not done properly, the argument can lead to an end in the relationship. Something that people need to learn about an argument with a significant other is they need to choose their words wisely, that is if they plan to continue the relationship. Many people will get caught in the heat of the argument and say things they don't mean, hoping later that a simple sorry will take it back. Wrong. The person may accept your apology to move on but words leave a life lasting impression and they will never forget any hurtful words you may have used.

Don't just throw garbage into the basement. Make sure you talk about things when they arise or one day the smallest thing will make you crack allowing all that garbage to come flooding out (Arndt, 2010). Knowing how to communicate effectively will not only make you a more enjoyable partner to be with but it will make your relationship stronger and healthier.Table 1 (Bernstein, 2010)What to Do Why It HelpsTalk About ItThe problem will not go away if you don't.Cool OffPick a time when you can return to the argument with less emotion-ideally, within 24 hours and in person.Don't AssumeTruth is you probably don't know exactly what your partner is thinking, even if you think you do.Flexibility Isn't WeaknessYou can change your position without losing.See The Other SideThis is the best way to downgrade a heated conflict into a momentary disagreement.Hold HandsSit close, and make eye contact- this can help make interactions more positive.Argue In Front Of The KidsDo this only if you're modeling good argument techniques.Agree To DisagreeRecognize that you are in a partnership.

Look for the middle ground.Choose Your Words CarefullyYou can never take them back.Reference pageBernstein, E. (2010). Fighting happily ever after: There's a right way to argue and it can be goodfor relationships. The Wall Street Journal, Retrieved from world divorce statistics. (2010).

Retrieved from, K. (2008). Interpersonal communication: The whole story. McGraw-HillHumanitiesSocial SciencesLanguagesGrey, G. (2009, October 14). Men and women communicate differently: discover how tocommunicate with the opposite sex.

Retrieved from, J.G., Woolsey, M.D., & Swann Jr., W.B. (2007). Sex roles. Is Silence More Golden forWomen than Men? Observers Derogate Effusive Women and their Quiet Partners, 57,7-8.The power of non-verbal communication in relationships. (2008, September 24).Retrieved from

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