Christmas List of an Atheist
Again, we celebrate the rise and triumph of commercialism, hanging $9.95 decorations on a $249.95 tree.
And again, we pay tribute to empty pockets and devastated bank accounts.
Forgive me for my atheism dear Mr.
Christian God, as I celebrate the endless preaching of your preachers on this glorious day (for just how many homosexuals would live free and how many fetuses would feel safe without them?).
I hope that in your total/partial wisdom you will hear my Christmas wishes on this O so majestic holiday.
Since Santa Claus died yesterday (at least according to my mom), I can't ask him for anything.
First, I ask that, if you in fact exist, that you hear my prayers through the hearing mechanism of your choice.
I will be brief, as, if you exist, you must be pretty busy, given that you're probably answering the billions of letters sent by other atheists.
Here is my wish list for the holiday season: 1.
Christian God, please give me some nice stuff.
Maybe a sports car, or, if you have the power, a really good condo near a lake or ski resort or something.
Even better, tell your carol singers to shut the hell up.
If indeed there is a complicated theological structure to the universe, and if that structure contains some kind of hell/fire-area/penalty box, please make sure that I don't go there.
Since I admit that there is a probability that demons exist, I really would like to avoid being put in a position where they get to eat my lungs.
So, please give me a hand in that department, if in fact you can.
Please heal my sick friend Jim.
If you exist and have some kind of divine plan that calls for Jim's death, well that's kind of a bummer but I'll understand.
However, if Jim is going to die then make his congregation take care of his illegitimate children as a result of some random molecular interaction, it would be nice if you could use any divine power which you might well possess to intervene.
Thank you for your time and sincerity.
I apologize for being too poor to buy your son Jesus a gift.
In the name of the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit, An eternally grateful Atheist